no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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