he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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