I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
