We're facebook friends in real life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
