I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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