But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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