saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
