apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
