i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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