just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
