I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The uberlube is also flammable
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
