we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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