Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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