We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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