This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
