i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
