the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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