i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
