i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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