it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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