summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
