I faked an abortion last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
