My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
