Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
