remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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