lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
