laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
