Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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