the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
