if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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