Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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