So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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