you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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