omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
