He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
