Your face is a jimmy john
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
