i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
