worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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