can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
