He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
