Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
