a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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