home. puking in laundry basket.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
