Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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