i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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