you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
