Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
