I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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