I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
