we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
