i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
