how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
